Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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