duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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