Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
