I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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