I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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