Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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