I puked a lego.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
