put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
