the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
