I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just come out here and I will go home with you...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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