would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
