it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
