Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
