Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize