this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
