Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
