and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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