Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
