evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
