I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
