dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
