i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
