Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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