I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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