I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
soo... how was my night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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