quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
