I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
