Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
