he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
pray to the hookup gods
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
