i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
