Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
