I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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