just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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