I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My day in three words: secret purse cake
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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