I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
