I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
