I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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