You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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