I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
