Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
