We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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