I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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