guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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