if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
