Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
