when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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