I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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