u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
