If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am mentally ready for anal.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
