god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
