True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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