He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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