Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize