Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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