I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
