Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
