I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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