You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
