separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
