The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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