Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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