We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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