Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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