I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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