how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
