If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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