so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
