I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh god it's open bar.
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