no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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