Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
