Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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