im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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