Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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