o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
