she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
