You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
