So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize