No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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