i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
