I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
