I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
