I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
