Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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