Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
