I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
