How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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