Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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