No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Randomize
